Smooth jazz – hot chocolate – warmth in my knickers, I’m always naked under my soft clothes, your clothes – I cannot consider that there’s a flight to take in a few days – because I’m so very here, where I ought to be – on no one’s schedule but my own – I am answerable to my god alone – responsibility, to be responsive to life, not to the expectations of others, the fears of rejection, the pain that I so wish to distract myself from – I can’t run anymore. All is handed back to me, every prayer or hook tossed on the wind in the hope that something catches and I am thrown of balance, blameless – but when I asked where I should go, I am directed not to person or place, but to my own divinity – there’s a subtle tremor of truth vibrating always that I miss, looking for something solid, begging for someone to speak my own truth to me – waiting for forever, longing for it to yawn and swallow me, so I can finally rest – but it’s here, in each breath, forever – nowhere else but under my nose – how uncanny! – unbeknownst to myself I’ve always been existing in eternity’s sunrise – forever arising, as it was in your eyes last night – thank you – thank you – thank you – how I have missed you – these words ring true, raw and vulnerable as our naked skin – how I have missed you too, being elsewhere, I haven’t cared to see you as sea creature, plant creature, king of vitality and decay – I have asked you to tell me where you’ve been and where you’re going, when I could have opened my eyes and seen the path stretching far behind and ahead of you – haven’t stopped to see your soul set in mythology – put the failing of sight on you when it was my own eyes, not quite open to the world, set too far back in a head that’s stuffed with the dust of my family – I’m sorry, please forgive me – let me take back all that I’ve cloaked you in so I can see you clearly – naked, nothing but pure love on your skin – belonging to the earth, standing in the house of god, resting in eternity – you, and me.